Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize