I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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