The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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