I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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