I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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