would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
