I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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