My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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