its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
