I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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