I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
