I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
