i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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