Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
