I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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