this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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