And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
