3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
