We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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