my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
