i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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