Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
