I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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