dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
