So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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