Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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