No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
