On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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