Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It was confusing and full of hummus
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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