He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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