just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
