I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
