sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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