I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
