You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
