I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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