Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
