Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize