Got a toothbrush?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
