Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
