Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
