I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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