I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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