Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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