I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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