wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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