the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize