he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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