1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
