My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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