that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
