Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
