Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
