yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
