So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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