Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize