How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
