I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
