I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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