When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
