I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize