i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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