he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
