wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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