Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
